Los Phoenix Border Guards

What if sports teams updated their nicknames to reflect current qualities of the cities they were in? For example, Seattle would have to name a team the Seattle Baristas. Imagine an NBA with these possible teams out west:

1. Seattle Baristas

2. Portland Treehuggers

3. San Francisco Parade Marchers

4. San Diego Coyotes

5. Los Angeles Botox

6. Dallas Gunlovers

7. Phoenix Border Guards

I especially like the Phoenix Guards. Seeing how the NBA currently honors its Latino fans by sometimes putting "el" or "los" on the jersey instead of "the", I would like to see a "Los Border Guards" jersey. Imagine now these Eastern Conference teams:

1. Chicago Corruption

2. New York Stockbrokers

3. Minnesota Icefishermen

4. Detroit Foodstamps

5. Baltimore Blight

6. Washington Inequalities

7. Miami Defectors

8. Orlando Touristtrappers

9. Pittsburgh Rust

10. New Jersey Situations

11 .Atlanta Connecting Flights

12. Cleveland Jolted

And also, similar to the inexplicable naming of two CFL teams the Roughriders, there would be the Memphis and Kansas City Barbecues. Imagine those two teams facing off - it would be the Barbecue Superbowl. And, yes, I realize that the current NBA doesn't have franchises in all of these cities - yet.